12 Days Countdown: Independence

Moving away from Tucson was a big deal. I knew even as a kid that town was not for me and definitely not big enough to fit all of my dreams. When Brooks mentioned moving away from Tucson was  his plan I knew it was our plan- there was no way (and we didn't even discuss it) that I would not be going with him. So we started making our plans. It seemed to happen pretty quickly, without guilt or hesitation or sadness.

Phoenix was a great first step away; in fact I always thought it was just the first step away to bigger and better things. I didn't hesitate to leave my family, my school, my job. It was maybe the first time I made such a big decision without asking for advice of consulting anyone. I was doing it for me because it felt right and that is probably why it was so easy.

We loved having all the perks of a big city- more attractions, freeways, better housing and job opportunities, making new friends. We figured everything out on our own and managed to do it just fine for about 8 years.

Because of this when we began talking about trying to move out of Arizona, we knew it was the right thing to do and something we could easily do. I knew we'd make new friends (and still keep our old ones), we'd come back to Arizona every so often and we'd live someplace cool that others would want to visit, we'd figure out places to visit and things to do, we'd conquer a new place easily and on our own. I thought we'd gotten pretty good at that.

When the opportunity to move back to Tucson came up, it was such a hard decision for me. For Brooks it was easy and logical and made perfect sense. For me, it felt like I'd failed. As if I had left and tried to make it on my own and then couldn't and had to come back. Even though I knew this was not the case at all I couldn't help but feel that way. He had to remind me about a hundred times that this was not the case, but I can't say I am quite over it yet.

So I will miss my independence. I will not miss what I left behind in Tucson when we first left- in fact I hope to never again have anything but pleasantness in our lives. I am older and wiser now and I think Brooks and I have managed to do a lot. We are great parents to our amazing and beyond adorable babies, he has a great job- hopefully soon I will too...there is so much going right with us that going back does not have to be a "wrong." It's a temporary move and something that we are meant to do in order to be even better and wiser.

So, goodbye Phoenix. I will miss you, I will visit you and I may even drive through you when we finally make that move out of Arizona for good. And I know that eventually we will.