My sweet little man has had a rough couple of months. And just when we thought he was pulling out of it, it seems he's right back in it. Wednesday's therapy session then was horrible and I cried. A lot. Brooks asked afterward if it looked bad that he didn't cry. I know he's upset; I am sure everyone else can see it too. He just isn't a crier, and that's OK. We were talking about explaining abstract concepts to Taylor and somehow that lead to us having to acknowledge that although we were trying really hard, we just weren't getting the results we wanted.
And that's the thing.
This is so, so, so much work. Much more work than I hope other parents ever have to do. But in the end, no matter how much work we seem to be putting in to this we get no where. We have an angry child who doesn't like the word "imagination", we have a sweet little boy who stares at us blankly when we try to explain something, we have to look at each other and even though we don't verbalize it, we know we've failed. And it hurts so bad. It is the worst feeling ever to know you can't help your child.
On Wednesday, three kids in class were teasing Taylor, part of which included telling him "Your mom is in your backpack!" Taylor was so upset because he thought this meant I could shrink and he did not want me to shrink. Never mind what it really meant, the literal is what we always have to address. On Thursday he was elbowed in the eye on accident by another kid in his resource class, when we were asking him about it, he kept insisting that it hurt because he wiped his eye, again missing the part that he had to wipe the tears from his eye because he was elbowed first.
I am so tired of hearing that it won't always be like this. No one can say that for sure and that brings absolutely no comfort to me now.
Today though, I learned of an Autism walk next month that we will for sure participate in. And then I saw this video that made me cry because I couldn't help but think of Brooks. I know he hurts and I can't even imagine what it must feel like for him. But I know that he will always fight for and take care of Taylor.
