Welcome to Holland

When we received the Autism Diagnosis from Dr. Blitz back in January, we were given a packet of information. I didn't actually look at the packet thoroughly for probably four months, I was in the thick of therapies and when I had first glanced through it noticed there wasn't a comprehensive list of "to-do's" like I'd hoped for. There was a list of books to read, websites and excepts from those websites to check out but not a list- which is something it seems a lot of us are looking for. A good list that says "If your child has/does this is might be this", "here are gluten free foods ASD kids will actually eat" - definite answers are what I, and probably many other parents want. But since that was not in this packet, I figured I was no better off than if I didn't even have the packet since I was trying to figure everything out seemingly from scratch anyway.

So I ignored the packet for a while and when Taylor's folder in the file cabinet finally broke because there was so much stuff in there (medical bills, reports, other "helpful" printouts of info we'd gotten, did I decide to sort and organize and look through the packet. I found this poem in there, called "Welcome to Holland". I do like the poem, sort of. I mean it helps to make the point that Autism just sort of happens- it is not something we expect or plan for. So it brings comfort in that sense. When I went to Google the poem this morning to post in on here, I found another blog post from someone saying that she did not like "Welcome To Holland", and I guess I see her point too. This mom of another ASD kid thought this poem put parents of special needs kids on a pedestal, and gave the impression that having these kids is a blessing and we should forever be grateful and didn't have the right to feel frustrated or complain. I guess I understand that too. It's almost like when someone dies and everyone comments that they are at peace or they are with God now and that should give comfort to the family. It still hurts and that family still has a right to feel sad for themselves.

Don't get me wrong, having a child with Autism, and more so Taylor having Autism is not at all like him dying. He is such a wonderful and amazing little boy- but it is still HARD. Some days it is really, really hard. And of course some days everything is great and anyone who didn't know would never be able to tell something was "different" about him. But some days he is falling all over the place, won't eat his food because there is a speck of overcooked brown on it, he'll melt down over every little thing, won't be able to take his own clothes off and pees himself, runs into everything and everybody and then melts down again when we tell him to be careful or take away the plastic he is chewing or try to stop him from banging his head. I could go on and on. These are usually the days when I have a ton of phone calls to make, or Brooks needs me to do something and then email it to him or we are supposed to get out the door to an appointment or meeting. So I get "Welcome to Holland" and I get the lady who can't stand it. I don't want pity or high expectations. I love Taylor and wouldn't trade being his mom for anything.

But, I would also love to go to Italy.