Our Little World

So much to say and not enough time for blogging! Brooks and I are on mental overload, so when I have free time I just feeling like doing a whole lotta nothing. But we have had some pretty incredible things happen in the last few weeks and I don't want to be so overwhelmed that we don't stop and  appreciate these moments.

Halloween was lots of fun; I will post pics from that later on. Leading up to Halloween though, Taylor had two fun filled days at school. On the Thursday before, his class went on a field trip to Buckelew Farms Pumpking Patch. You bet Stalker Mom (me) was there as well. The bus ride was long, but the kids were all so excited to be there that everything went pretty smoothly. As we began to head back to the buses to head back to school,  Taylor fell and scratched his elbow. The owie itself was not bad at all, but controlling emotions is a really hard thing for him and he melted down pretty bad. I put a couple of band aids on his elbow (even though he really didn't need one) and we talked like we usually do about how sometimes when things hurt, they'll only hurt for a little bit and then it feels OK. Then we began to count to calm down and this time instead of counting to 20 and back down and then counting again, we only had to make it to 10 before he decided he was calm and could re-join his class. Phew!

The next day, the kids wore their costumes and took part in a literature parade around the school hallways. Afterwards, they changed and then rotated between the three first grade classrooms doing activities in each. In one class Taylor made a bookmark and when I caught up with him in the hallway he was pretty upset that one of the girls in class was holding all the bookmarks as he really wanted his. He went into class and I saw him again just before lunch. He was still crying and was pretty upset. It took most of lunch to calm him down and then I stayed and watched him play in the playground just to make sure he didn't get wound up again.

Both times his classmates were asking what was wrong, I knew the other parents were watching and it's moments like those that I just hate. Not that people are watching, but I just hate thinking that my child is different. But he is and there is nothing I can do to make it "OK" or make him "normal." I do get annoyed by Autism parents who seemingly gush about how beautiful this whole experience is and what a blessing it is or yada yada.

It's not. Autism sucks. And some days it is really, really hard.

It's also hard to relate to other parents who mean well but will never, ever really truly understand what it is like to feel the pain of knowing something is wrong with your child that you will never be able to fix.

Sure, he'll get better with all of his therapies and eventually he might seem like other kids. But that's because he'll have to work really really hard at it. Maybe it's like losing an arm or a leg. You might go a while without one and then eventually get a prosthetic and then adjust to the prosthetic and be able to do some of the things you were able to do before. But every time you reach for something and miss, or every time you have to attach it or take it off to go to bed or to take a shower you will be reminded of the extra work you have to do that others may not have to. That is Autism for the high functioning child. And as good as he will get at things,  he will always have to work  at it.

So as wonderful as my child is in every way, I hurt for him when something happens that showcases his weaknesses.

This past weekend we went to the house and Brooks and I were working in one room when we overheard Taylor in another room playing Barbies with Jazzy and talking in a girls voice as one of the Barbie dolls. Sure this is pretty funny, but it is also a really big deal. We both stopped and listened and determined this was the first time EVER Taylor had ever used his imagination to create a voice. Sure he's modeled voices before for example when he's playing Transformers and he's holding Optimus Prime; and the kid loves to do impressions like Mr. Krabs and Yogi Bear. But he's never come up with his own voice before and he certainly is not a fan of spontaneous play that's not modeled after something he's already seen. For Taylor to come up with a voice then was a pretty big thing. We stopped whatever we were doing and started thinking of all the things he can do now that he had problems with before. Brooks thinks he is doing better with tags, he doesn't care anymore if his food touches anything else on his plate and the kid loves mixing all kinds of things together- like syrup and bacon or noddles, refried beans and corn (yum, right?). His eye contact is pretty good now (except taking picture of course), His coloring and handwriting have really improved. He hasn't wanted to wear the same outfit everyday since he was probably 3; the list of what he perseverates on is so much shorter. So now Little Man has discovered his imagination and unlocking that part of his mind is just A-MA-ZING for us.

If I could go back in time and make it so he didn't have Autism, you bet I would. But I would never, ever want any other baby than this one. He is the blessing, not Autism.

Dress Up/ Pics to Show The Girlfriend

Apparently I have gotten too good at tuning the kids out when they are loud.

As soon as we got back home from school, the kids decided to play dress-up and I sat in front of the computer to veg out from my day of driving. Dress-up started innocently enough...

And then I looked up to see this...

...and then this...

Once they were both dressed up, Jazzy asked Taylor to dance with her. Which I guess was just totally out of the question. Dress in drag? Yes! Dance with your little sister? Heck no!

I'll be sure to save this pic for his first girlfriend.

Month O' Birthdays

October is apparently THE month for birthdays. We took Bella and Sophia to Phoenix with us the first weekend of the month for Mikey and Joshy's joint birthday party. Mikey's b-day is actually in September, but the Back Pack decides to double the fun and they have another joint bday party in January for the rest of the clan. Since it has been pretty hot, they had lots of fun water games and then the kids enjoyed superhero cookies and cupcakes. Joshy actually shares a birthday with our step-mom Ramona.

The following weekend we went to Jazzy's little friends joint b-day party at Pump It Up. Matt is in her preschool class and Reese is his equally fun cousin who is in the 4 year old preschool class. The kids love Pump It Up and had a blast! Taylor pretty much takes off and does his own thing, Jazzy has to have someone with her at all times, so Brooks and I were a little sore from climbing up the equipment. I made Brooks take her down the big slide, which is fun, but I am a weenie and without fail every time I get to the top of the slide I have this moment of panic trying to decide if I really have to do this. Brooks and I also decided to race each other through the obstacle course. In all fairness he totally would have beaten me if it weren't for the three kids blocking him from the final slide. We'll be having Taylor's party at Pump It Up (I think anyway, if we can get the guest list down a bit), so I took the opportunity to check out the party room and get an idea of how we could decorate. For all the planning I have done for other events, I always seem to drop the ball when it comes to the kids b-days. Not this year! Brooks still asks now why every party has to be like a Sweet Sixteen. Oh, that poor man hasn't seen anything yet! I have started my spreadsheet for Tayor's birthday as and soon as we figure out whether we can do one big party or will do two smaller ones, we'll be good to go!

This weekend we have my little brother Gabe's birthday. But, in true Mexican style, it hasn't really been planned yet. I am hoping they decide to barbecue because I am in the mood for some carne asada. We've actually only been to dinner there once since we've been back. I've asked Brooks a couple of times if we could call and see if we could go over for dinner; in true white man fashion he thinks we'd be imposing though. So the only rice and beans we have had (since I am not allowed to make beans) have been at Taco Tote and On The Border.

Finally, it is Sam and Katie's birthday on October 27th. I can't believe those kids are going to be 13! We went to Grammy's ranch last Friday for a visit since the kids had the day off for a grading day, but since Sam and Katie are in a different district they were still in school. I did however catch a glimpse of their birthday wish lists, which both included ipads. Thank goodness my kids are cool with Transformers and Barbies now. I'd like to prolong them being expensive teenagers for as long as possible.

Soleng Tom

The move back to Tucson really hasn't been bad at all, and one of the reasons why is the amazing school the kids are going to. Good Lord was finding Taylor a school a nightmare, but after the first week I knew we'd made the right decision. His teacher is great- she is just the right mix of experience, compassion and being on the ball. He seems to have a pretty good mix of kids in his class- there are some sweet girls who are very kind to him, lots of silly boys for him to be goofy with and not too many troublemakers where I have to worry about him being picked on or left out.

I've been volunteering on Tuesdays in Taylor's class. This past Tuesday I made a "quick stop" at Target just before my shift and managed to lock the keys in the car. AAA took 2 hours to get there, which meant I missed my whole volunteer shift. I had called the office and since he had a sub that day, it didn't seem like it would be a big deal, but I stopped by his class anyway to check on Taylor since this was a big deviation to his routine. He was fine but wanted me to stay for lunch. The other kids were beyond adorable! I received quite a few hugs, they seemed worried about me and one kid asked if I had gotten locked in the trunk. I don't know if the sub was that happy to see me, but the kids seemed relieved I was OK.

It's weird being called "Mrs. Wintemute" though, and I am not sure if I will ever get used to that. I think when I am a teacher I will have the kids call me Mrs. W if they like. There is a boy who is also in Cub Scouts with Taylor and he thinks it is pretty cool that he knows my name is Laura and always calls me that, which is totally fine with me. I don't mind my last name, it is just weird being so formal.

Aside from volunteering, I am also co-CEO for the class which means I help to organize the classroom events. It's neat being so involved and give me lots of extra opportunities to spy on my Little Man. At this point, he thinks it pretty neat and I hope he always does.

He's been talking a lot about going to college, and I can tell he is worried about it. He had a sub last year when he was in Kindergarten who made some comment that he would move out when he went to college. He cries when he talks about it now, so I tell him he can always live at home and when he goes to college it can be just like it is now when he goes to school. I will happily drop him off, have lunch with him and park and stalk him as he walks to classes.  I reassured him that even when he works for NASA I will still have lunch with him.

I am sure someday he'll decide he wants to do things with his friends and without his mom. Until then though, I am loving this time we can spend together.

From the Mouth of Babes

Today Taylor was on a roll. Here's some of what he said:

"Mom, I know you're smart because you married Dad...so tell me- how to bones move?"

"I was thinking about it, and I don't think I want to have my own family when I am big. I think you guys might need a third parent."



My sister refers to these as "Taylor-ism" and tells me I should write them down. Some days he is downright hilarious, so I really should get better about remembering them. The other day Jazzy was on a roll as well:

"Mom, why do you write letters on my water bottle?"
"That's your name, Jazzy. That way everyone at school knows  it is your bottle and no one takes it."
"Mama- what happens if Target didn't have letters on it?"

Sleeping Angels

No matter how crazy or chaotic the day has been, my babies turn into beautiful little angels when they sleep. After they are tucked in and fall asleep, Brooks and I usually stay up to watch a movie or one of our TV shows. Then, when it is our bedtime, we go back in the room to fix their covers, adjust their stuffed animals, and I always whisper in their ears "mama loves you."

Because I do.

So how do we really feel?

Recently, we took on this project of helping a friend update and sell a house. That is totally fine and there are no issues with the house or that we are doing this. The problem is that in the course of this, we hired another friend, Adam Cortese of NDC Home Services to do the work on the house and he has screwed us over. Big time.

There really isn't much to it: we gave him a deposit, he said the whole thing would take 2-3 weeks and that he'd begin prepping for paint the weekend that we gave him the deposit. This was on a Thursday. Brooks noticed that he cashed the deposit about a minute after getting it. No biggie, I thought. We were going to stop by the house on Monday and he was going to meet us there to see his work, but then on Monday he texted to say he had not been to the house and would not be going to the house to paint for a whole other week. Which meant that painting on a 2-3 week job would not begin for 12 whole days after the job was supposed to start. So we thought about it just a bit and decided we would paint to get back on schedule during that week that he said he couldn't paint. His response, again via text, was that he had some issues and concerns and this was not how he normally did business. He admitted he had not done any work or bought any materials though. We met again a few days later and he said he was now going to raise the prices on the remaining work. Since he had not done any work or bought any materials this really shouldn't have been an issue. When he came back with his new prices, we had already gotten second opinions on the other work he was supposed to do and thought his prices were higher than the job warranted. He didn't even give us the chance to fire him, but on his own said he'd give us the deposit back. He gave us some BS story about how he had pre-paid the money on his Home Depot account and said we'd have to give him time to earn the money back. In the meantime he had a birthday party for his son, so my guess is we paid for the party and presents. It was also the first of the month so we could have paid for his rent, or maybe a car payment. But regardless the money we gave him for the house was gone and had not been used on the house. He was supposed to meet us last week with the money, but once again, texted to say he couldn't come and told us we could "take the next step."

So we did.

We filed with the small claims court on Friday evening. On Monday I mailed his paperwork per the court's instructions. But, he could either not sign for it, not be home, not bother to pick it up if he is not home or not bother to respond. Which means the next step is to hire a constable to serve him. And then he has 20 days to respond and then we have to get a date scheduled. So this could take a while.

We are both angry/upset/hurt on a few different levels.

1) This was a friend. Why would you do that to a friend? He should have honored the schedule he gave us, should have understood that we were stepping in to make sure the work got done in time for our friend and should have made some good faith effort to return the money to us. Also, even though we weren't terribly close with Adam, his fiance Brandi and I are friends, and she made no effort to apologize on his behalf, or even try to communicate with me or make any good faith effort on her part. My husband would never do this to one of my friends. Ever. But, hypothetically speaking if he did you bet I'd make every attempt to do something for my friend. I'd be mortified. Why doesn't she care?

2) We found out Adam has been to small claims before. And, he even has a misdemeanor for contracting without a license. In both cases, he failed to appear and in the misdemeanor case had a warrant out and is still paying restitution. This makes me think he'll totally disregard our case just as he has the other two. I also feel stupid that we did not look into his business history before hand, friend or not.

3) We have to be good friends to Nas, who put us in charge of the house. Even though it was his money that we put down for the deposit,  since we are good friends and will do the right thing, now it is our money that will replace it. Also, now we had to explain why we are doing the work on our own. Thank goodness he took it all well.

4) I am also mad at myself that I would vouch for this guy or allow people like Adam or Brandi into our lives. I had a really great conversation the other day with a real friend, who reminded me about the positives to being 30. At this point in our lives we have earned where we are and what we have. She also said that we've weeded out people in our lives who aren't worth being a part of our lives. So now I have weeded out Adam and Brandi. I am embarrassed I made the mistake of considering them friends, but also even more embarrassed for them by the way they have conducted themselves.

Brooks is awesome and amazing and I am so happy he is my husband. He is a pretty calm guy but is pretty fired up about this based on principal. $1000 is a lot of money, but not end-of-the-world money. It won't break us or make us fight or make our lives worse without it. It will take some time but we will get it back. Adam stands to lose a lot more - the money plus court costs, loss of business and maybe even a little dignity. If he has any.